


Spongebob Finds the Lord(NOT CLICKBAIT!)

by Rickenoch_GAYnor



Category: Alvin and the Chipmunks - All Media Types, Christian Bible, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Hell, I'm Sorry, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23059558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickenoch_GAYnor/pseuds/Rickenoch_GAYnor
Summary: Spongebob Squarepant's is lost and has found the way of the Lord, Jesus Christ. After awhile, Spongebob gets angry at the lord and challenges him to a duel to the death. What happens next is crazy... UWU
Relationships: M/god
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	Spongebob Finds the Lord(NOT CLICKBAIT!)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [To: God](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=To%3A+God).



> my identity got stolen by a theatre simp. THis is is work.- Rickenoch Gaynor  
> god help me- simp  
> The simp's grammar is atrocious. - Ghost Writer

I woke up in my Pineapple under the Sea, my legs unable to move. I crawled out of my bed into my wheelchair. I wheeled down the stairs to be greeted by the four Chipettes. 

"Hey," said Tom Cruise in his Chippettes outfit. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," said Spongebob Squarepants with a tear in his eyes. He was lying. 

Tom Cruise raised his hand to comfort the small sponge. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he said. But he was wrong.

Suddenly, Theodore busted into the door. He had a black suit on with a black tie, and a leather-bound Bible in his right hand. "Spongebob, Spongebob," he proclaimed. "I have found the Lord!"

Brittany tucked her hair back behind her little chipmunk ear. "Who is the Lord?" she asked. "Is that an off-brand of Gucci?"

"Quiet now, thou foul temptress sent by thy lord satan to taint my soul and drag me to the outer reaches of the nine rings of hell!" Theodore cried, holding the Bible aloft. "May the Lord's light touch you and heal whatever skankiness you have left in you, you whore!"

"Calm down, Eleanor," said Tom Cruise.

"My name is Theodore, you ignorant slut!" said the small chipmunk man, waving his Bible belligerently. "Don't confuse me for my wench of a wife!"

Jeanette gasped and clutched her hand to her rodent tiddies. " I thought I was your main hoe Theodore!" She said in a bad jersey accent with a hint of slurred drunkeness.

This sparked a fight between the three biological chippettes, because they all had been spreading their legs for his sweet chipmunk chode, his chodemunk.

Meanwhile, the fourth chippette, Tom Cruiz was gazing at Spongebob lovingly, as he fingered the pores of the sponge. Spongebob had all of Tom Cruize's uwus.

Spongebob noticed the fingering, he liked it. But he couldnt let anyone know he was gay. "S-stop it, Baka!", said the sponge with a pout as he looked up into Tom Cruize's sparkling eyes.

Simon and Alvin entered the room, holding each others asses.

" Hey guys," Alvin smiled, " guess who's getting hitched!"

Theodore threw the bible at his brothers face, "You cretins! You defile gods will by seeking refuge in each others beds! Not only are you brother, but both men! How dare you!"

Simon grew into a fit of rage at seeing his soon-to-be hubby injured like this. Simon curb stomped Theodore. All three of the biological chippettes gasped in unison. "Be quiet you heterosexual midget. You're just jealous i get laid more often than you do!", exclaimed Simon.

Jeanette screamed, " call an ambulance! my boy! him hurt!", in a bad British accent, still a bit tipsy.

Theodore was silenced by the gay agenda. 

Alvin looked down at his younger brother bleeding on the floor, " i'm telling dad you're being homophobic."

He quaked in his brother's shadow, " no please- Alvin I'm begging, I'll do anything."

Alvin looked down at his brother coldly, "Then perish". He called Dave and told him about the homophobia of his brother.

Dave sentenced Theodore to 1,000 years of grounded-ness. 

The three biological chippettes all wept, for their sweet chodemunk was no more.

* * *

In the background, as this spiral of events had happened, Tom cruiz and his alter personality Ted cruz was looking at spongebob with his holes and wheelchair, and groaned heavily. 

( at this point it's not even theatre simp's story. He had to leave a while ago. By now this is Rickenoch Gaynor, ghost writer[Mena-chad Harold], and Gay-er Main's story. Mom i'm still sorry- R.G)

Both these things cater heavily towards the two things Ted/Tom cruiz are into. He had produced grapes from his pocket, and was sensually feeding them to Spongebob squarepants. The grapes were vaguely warm, and had lint, but spongebob thought it was a sweet gesture and blushed as he swallowed the grapes whole. He was still trying to convince everyone else he was straight. Nobody believed him. Eleanor, a known fujoshi, was watching intently from across the room. She breathed heavily 

She squealed as they were her otp. She was no longer paying attention to Theodore who was being dragged by the tail out into the void to serve his capital punishment. 

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, wearing a thong, enters the room. His head is strangely large. He is God. He rests his hand on Spongebob's shoulder. "I have brought a message, my disciple.... STOP SIMPIN", he says, in a very bad Country accent. 

"On God?", asks the sponge.

"On God.", The Rock says in his normal voice.

Ted/Tom Cruiz was very dissapointed to hear this. He wanted to be the one Spongebob was simpin' for.

* * *

God had enetered the void to beat Theodore's ass for being a lil bitch. Theodore is now dead, his soul being tormented by gay demons in hell.

* * *

Spongebob gazed towards Ted/Tom cruiz. He thought about God's words, then curled his hands into fists and rested them on his paralyzed legs. Stop simping? No! He loved Tom/Ted cruiz and would not stop simping. In fact, he would simp even MORE! He made a plan to fight god. That was not a threat, but a promise. 

"Tom/Ted cruiz, you are my senpai! I simp for you and none else!"

Ted/Tom cruiz gasped, eyes tearing up. " oh sponge bob-kun!"

They kissed passionately, Ted/Tom cruiz holding the sponge close, fingers brushing against the holes. 

" Senpai, I need your help"

" anything for you spongebob!"

" i need to fight god"

" say no more"

* * *

Tom/Ted cruiz gave spongebob a cane.

" here you go my love."

Not just any cane....

A candy cane

God is allergic to peppermint.

( theatre simp is back, but we have stolen the story from him- R.G)

SPongebob was pushed in the wheel chair towards God. ted/Tom cruiz was pushing it, and He JoJo walked as he pushed the wheelchair. 

Spongebob pointed the cane at God.

And then stood up from the wheelchair. The power of simping allowed spongebob to walk. He naruto ran at God. 

GOd laughed, " Foolish mortal. I have the power of god AND anime on my side"

" yes, " said spongebob, " but i don't give a fuck"

Tom/Ted cruiz no longer liked spongebob, because songebob wasn't in a wheel chair anymore ( which was his kink).

Spongebob beat God's kneecaps in backwards with the candy cane.

John Cena awakens it the middle of the night. He is Jesus Christ. His dad needs him! 

He teleports to the void fight. 

SPongebob beats his kneecaps.

Spongebob is now god.

He collapses, because he is now paralyzed again.

The ENd


End file.
